Change is bound to happen

Would you call me typical if you knew about my situation, my background? I'm pretty normal when it comes to being a 10th grader, I'm awkward, slightly annoying, some people even call me a smurf (I'm 5'3 dammit it's not my fault my families filled with giants) yet I'm still a minority. I guess you could even say I'm the ultimate minority, I'm a black Muslim female. Now don't throw your laptops on the floor and whatever you do, do not close this page. When I found out I was a black Muslim female I was pretty baffled too (yes I have a bag filled with jokes like that, so keep coming back people). Okay now that I think about it I'm not exactly normal per se, but if you think about it who is?

My life's gotten to a point were things just keep changing and god I'm changing too. It's weird because I'm at that transitioning stage in between 10 and 20 and it's scary because I've been through all this change in the past 5 years and I'm (embarrassingly enough) scared to go through the next five years because of all the change that I'm bound to go through. There's those core friends who I'm sure I'll be friends with for as long as I live, those people who you can just laugh with without having a reason to be laughing, those friends who know not to bother you when you're pissed. The issue is I had a lot more core friends a couple of years ago. When I changed schools everything changed, we changed as people. Half of them became popular and the other half had hoe tendencies. And then there was Sara (long story).

Fact is I may be scared of change but I have bigger fears that I've conquered like airplanes and bridges, so if I like it or not I'm going to have to deal with this fear.

Chronicles of an unlucky gal part 1

I had my first orientation at a Canadian Cancer Society center where I live. I came in late wearing a pair of black skin tight jeans and a gray shirt. I ended up seeing a girl I knew. She was one of the last people I'd expect to see there, don't bother trying to guess you don't know her. This girl is a really good practicing Muslim, she is covered from head to toe not because she's forced to but because she wants too. I uncomfortably stood at the entrance for a while wondering if I should sit beside a sleazy looking old man or her. Everybody looked up as I continued standing there uncomfortably, She looked up too.

crap

Don't get me wrong this girl is an amazing human being I just felt like a hoe sitting next to her. I attempted to pull my shirt lower so it would look longer but that didn't work out. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat trying to move my legs out of her view but that was impossible since we were sitting right beside each other. After my fail attempt to cover up she looked at me And said, "assalamu alaikum" (an Islamic greeting which means peace be upon you). I replied by saying, "wa alaikum as salaam" (which means and upon you be peace). We talked for a while and laughed about how funny it was that we were both there. The orientation went on and sob stories were shared by basically everybody including a punk rock chick, a lady with cropped, slicked back hair and a navy blue polo shirt, an old man, a pre med student and a women and her daughter. The room was about the size of a middle classed family's living room. It got to a point were I was relieved that I didn't have anything horrible happen to me or my family, if only I knew what was coming (I'll write about it in another post). A tall kid who looked about 17 sat in front of me. He had a buzz cut and clear olive skin, in other words he was pretty cute. That cuteness instantly vanished as soon as I realized his head was extremely far up the cancer specialists' derrieres. I silently sat their as people discussed the different emotional and physical changes that you endure when you have cancer. Mr. I'm so far up these peoples' buns continued commenting on everything, and speaking about crap nobody cared about. The horrible thing is we both chose to volunteer at General hospital's Cancer lounge.

After the orientation I was one of the last people to leave the room, so was this boy. The funny thing is he was still sucking up to those specialists. I picked up my purse, walked out of the room and ran towards the exit (I completely forgot I was fasting and I was supposed to break my fast 30 minutes before). The boy held the door for me god knows how he got in front of me. That's when I realized I knew this kid.

I stood at the door with my eyes wide and mouth gapping open. Now I guess I should tell you about how I know this kid. The story started in fourth grade I hated his guts. well not at first I thought he was annoying but I never hated him until he decided to make fun of me for not making the basketball team.

Fourth Grade me: Oh shoot I should have made the basketball team, my dribbling was amazing!

Him: Pfft you really think dribbling has anything to do with basketball.

Yeah this bastard really went there. I was pissed and immediately told my brother that, that boy walked like a nerd, well because he was a nerd. My brother proceeded by telling the boy what I told him. You'd think we'd be even, but no we are far from it.

Chapter of Sara

You don't know me and frankly I don't know you, so if you feel the need to judge me before you finish reading this post don't. I've been stalking my ex best friend on Facebook and reading over our past emails for the past couple of months.

WAIT! I can explain myself.

It all started on a normal March afternoon after school. The sun was out, the weather was transitioning from harsh winter winds to cool spring breezes. As a normal freshman in high school I did what any average high school student does when they get home. I went on Facebook. Nothing amazing caught my eye at first, suddenly I saw this ex bestie of mine (lets call her Sara) was online. I was obviously overcome with joy because this girl was living half way across the world for over a year at the time. I clicked on her name and typed:

Me: Heeeeeey!

Sara: Guess what!

Me: What, is this a secret... I like secrets.

Sara: It has something to do with me and where I'm living.

Me: Are you back !

Sara: Maybe..

Me: AAAAH!

Sara: I KNOW I'M SO HAPPY!

(The conversation continued like that for a while)

Now fast forward a month or so. I noticed she removed me as her sister on Facebook. I thought this was a mistake so I didn't say anything. I emailed her a couple of time throughout the Summer, these were some interesting emails too, I wrote about trying to get rid of my cramps by taking 4 Midols in the span of 10 minutes for God sake and she didn't even reply. After these series of emails I realized I was being avoided so I completely ignored her for awhile. I caved twice the first time I sent her a message simply saying "Don't message me." And she did exactly what I told her to do and deleted me off of Facebook. Beautiful.

When I was with other people I acted like what she did didn't affect me in any way. Now when I was by myself that was a whole different story. I would watch hours and hours of Grey's Anatomy and eat, doesn't matter what I'd just eat.

The second time I sent this exact message, "hey.. believe it or not i don't find sending you a message awkward in any way. It's probably cause I'm immune to feeling awkward, but I'm actually worried about you (I know I sound like a dipshit) you randomly stopped talking to everyone and you deleted your fb after 'M' sent you that shitty message, yeah I know about the message, but seriously if somethings up you know you can tell me :). I'm your person, you're my person remember ;)"

Even after that heartfelt message she didn't message me back. I'm not going to lie it hurt me at the time but I don't care much anymore. In the famous words of Doctor Seuss, “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” I may not know what I did to make her ditch me but I do know that we had some amazing times together.

After venting I officially close the Chapter of Sara in the (hopefully long) story of my life.